Joshua Goes to the Real World!
by I-Am-Erk
Summary: I finally updated! What happens when an unlucky, gambling swordmaster wants to take a visit to our world? Chaos ensues!
1. Chapter 1

I never really see any stories mainly about Joshua so I decided to make a humor fic for him! Hope you all like it! Also, I'm in the story as a tactician. I hate the fact that FE8 didn't have tacticians. Refer to Diary of Lute to explain how I got into the FE8 plot. Please review on the way out!

Joshua was walking around Random Inn in Magvel No.17. The unlucky man was doing his usual walk around gambling with his fellow army mates. Well, he got bored after losing for what seems like the millionth time he's lost gambling in his life. Joshua went up to their tactician, Paul looking like he had a question. The swordmaster went up to Paul and asked his question.

Chapter 1: Plot Holes and +1!

"Paul, I want you to send us to the real world."

Paul looked up from his book, "Adventures of Huckleberry Finn" and answered, "Why?"

Joshua crossed his hands and rubbed his chin with his right hand. He thought for a moment and then replied, "I dunno, plot hole…"

Paul closed his book, put his hand to his head and said, "Oh my god, don't you know the horror of plot holes?"

"…..That they leave holes in the plot?" said Joshua raising his eyebrow.

"Exactly! It makes no sense why you want to go to the real world! Plus readers will complain about the plot holes! And why are you asking me?" Paul asked questioningly.

Joshua went into his thinking pose. The one he did about ten seconds ago. "Well, you're from the real world. So who else would I ask? It's not like anyone else knows how to get to the real world."

"But that STILL doesn't explain why you want to go to the real world!"

"Well, if I go to the real world, I'd be real then! And then some fan wouldn't be writing about my every thought and action!"

"You mean like how I'm controlling your every thought and action right now by writing what you say cause I'm the author? And how other people, some a little obsessive, also write about stories where they control your every thought and action like your some sort of cosmic chess piece that was put on this imaginary world just for the entertainment and laugher of us real folk?"

"Exactly my point!" said the annoyed Joshua. "Oh, and use periods. It saves you from suffocating." Pointed out Joshua

Paul started weezing. "Yeah, those run-on sentances are a real breath-takers."

"So, will you consider sending me and everyone to the real world?"

Paul copied Joshua's thinking pose. The same one a few sentances up. "Hmm, I guess your right. Meet me back here in five minutes."

After five minutes…

Joshua looked around the room in awe. "Woah! It's only been four seconds and the scene suddenly changed! How'd we get to this scene so fast?"

Paul went into the Joshua thinking pose. "I dunno, plot hole I guess," shrugged Paul.

"AGAIN with the plot holes." sighed Joshua.

"Hey YOU started it by making the FIRST plot hole!" exclaimed the tactician.

"Just tell me how you're going to get us to the real world…"

"Well…" Paul reached into his pocket and pulled out a glowing staff with a clock on it. "We shall use **_THE CHROME STAFF OF DIMENSIONS_**!" said Paul with an ominous voice.

Colm popped out from behind a couch and yelled, "+1!" Then he ducked and the scene continued.

Joshua raised his eyebrow wondering how the staff could fit in Paul's pocket and how long Colm had been there. "Woah where'd he come from!"

Paul went into the Joshua thinking pose and said, "I dunno, another plot hole I guess."

"We really need to get someone to fill in the holes. With quick dry cement. Before someone trips into one."

"I'm on it!" Paul was about to run off to hire some random overweight construction worker with no life that gets a very low salary and spends it on liquor, which explains why he lives in a boxcar and gets raped by hobos that think raccoons are pretty everyday. Okay that was off topic. And it was also another run-on sentance.

"Wait! We still didn't finish this scene! All you did was add a point-less run on sentance!"

Paul turned around. "Oh yeah! Right!…………...What were we doing again?" Paul asked.

Joshua sighed and said, "You going to use _**THE CHROME STAFF OF DIMENSIONS**_-"

Colm popped out of a large flower pot and yelled, "+1!" The thief then ducked back into the flower pot.

Joshua raised his eyebrow and continued, "Right… anyways how does it work?"

"Well, whenever I use it I can go to the real world, Magvel, or a place called Elibe. Or basically any place I want."

Joshua nodded. "Right. That makes sense."

Paul took out a book and handed it to Joshua. "Oh yeah, and this is a book on everything you need to know about the American culture."

Joshua took the book from Paul's hand. "Wow, all I have to do is read this and I'll be an expert in "Makin some scrilla and hanging with my homies?"

Paul nodded. "Basically, yes. And it's "ma homayz." Paul did a gangster pose.

"Woot, Woot! We're going to the real world!" Joshua cheered.

"Don't say "Woot, Woot again…" Paul said slightly disturbed.

"Right."

"Isn't there supposed to be a sentence after your dialogue that describes what your doing? It's a little thing called sentance variety." said Paul raising his eyebrow.

"There doesn't have to be sentance variety."

"There you go doing it again!" sighed Paul.

"Just send us to the real world now!" said Joshua finally putting a sentence after his dialogue. Which was the one right before this sentence.

Paul raised the staff. "Okay Joshua it's time for you to see the power of **_THE CHROME STAFF OF DIMENSIONS_**!"

Colm popped out from the side of the screen and yelled, "+1!" and then went off screen again.

Suddenly, Joshua, Paul, and the rest of the army, who pretty much didn't no what was happening, were being sent to the real world!…But where were they sent?……...……Well, Paul's house obviously. I should've ended this as a cliffhanger.

Sorry, it was short. I promise to improve on the next chapter!


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for the reviews guys! I appreciate it. Sorry it took a while to update. Band practice is interfering with my Fanfiction. Well, in today's chapter you readers will be introduced to the cast! Enjoy the chapter!

Chapter 2: The Hair Colors of Our Cast!

At Paul's house, Joshua was on the floor unconscious. His eyes started opening and they started making out some blurry images of some people around him.

A blonde haired thief jumped up from behind a couch and yelled, "Alright he's waking up!"

"How can you tell?" said, the green haired girl standing next to him. She tilted her head to the side.

The thief replied by saying, "Well, the screen was all black when the story started. Then it became all blurry, so you could tell he was waking up." The man nodded. "Yeah, that makes sense."

"This isn't TV, idiot…" remarked a mage right next to him.

Paul popped out of nowhere from the bottom of the screen. "Wait, "Wait, why are we describing the cast members by talking about their hair colors and classes? We should reveal the cast once his eyes arent blurry anymore."

Everyone looked towards the blurry screen/Joshua (i.e. we're looking through Joshua's blurry eyes).

The other female, a blonde haired woman nodded. "Yup. Screen is still blurry."

"GOD, can't we just like… throw water on him or something?" The annoyed blue haired Pegasus knight exasperated.

A certain monk popped out from behind the other couch across the room.

"Is he awake yet?" he said tilting his head to the side.

Paul looked at all of them and then said, "Do you guys think the readers can tell who you guys are just because your saying your hair colors!"

They all looked at each other and nodded. Suddenly, the screen finally cleared up (i.e. Joshua's vision was normal again).

Joshua put his hand on his forehead and groaned, "Ugh… where am I…" Joshua felt for his money pouch. "Ah my money pouch…my good old pal..." Joshua lifted it and jingled it in front of his face. It made no sound. "Huh?" Joshua got up, turned the bag upside down and tried emptying the gold in the bag, except there was no gold.

"HEY! Where's my money!" Joshua looked around.

The blonde haired thief whistled innocently.

"You!…… Person that I don't know!" Joshua pointed threateningly at him.

"Who me?" the thief pointed at himself.

"Yes you! You stole my money! I just know it!" Joshua yelled.

The blonde haired man broke out into so "Who me?" He points at himself. "Yes me." nodded the thief. "Couldn't be." He said shaking his head. "Then who?" he raised his eyebrow.

Everyone stared at him blankly.

The man groaned. "Yeah it was me." He tosses the bag of gold at Joshua.

"Hmph." Said Joshua.

"Hellooooo!" Paul waved at Joshua. "Is it me, or are the other cast members being ignored?"

Joshua looked at everyone. "Oh yeah." Joshua thought for a moment. "Oh yeah! I remember now! We were at Random Inn in Magvel No.17 and you used the **_CHROME STAFF OF DIMENSIONS_**-"

The blonde haired thief popped out from the side of the screen and added, "+1!"

Joshua continued, "-to bring us to the real world!"

Paul went in to the Joshua thinking pose and said, "Oh yeaaaaah! And the plot holes and the staff, and the random arguments- yeah now I remember!"

The green haired girl interrupted, "Uh, are we going to introduce the cast now? I don't really like being referred to as "The green haired girl."

"Oh right." Said Paul. "Okay, everyone! We're now in Glendale Heights, Illinois!"

Joshua raised his eyebrow. "Okay…"

"Okay, time for introductions!" Paul started pointing out everyone and introduced everyone to each other.

Rebecca threw her arms in the air. "Yay! I'm not "the green haired girl" anymore!"

Matthew popped out of the side of the screen. "And I'm not the "blonde haired thief!" Matthew ducked back into the side of the screen.

Erk looked around. "So… do I really have to live with these people…"

"Of course, Erk!" stated Luciuis. "Everyone's gonna be like... ROOMIES now!"

Natasha blinked. "So… what now?"

Farina shrugged. "I dunno…"

Paul went into Joshua's thinking pose. He thought for a moment and then said "Well, I know! Let's all go out!"

Everyone got into Paul's van.

"Ooo," said Matthew as he looked around the van and it's compartments and buttons. "What does this button do?"

Paul tried to stop the thief. "No! Stop! Don't touch that!"

Matthew had already pushed the button, causing the car to do hydraulic movements.

Natasha held onto her stomach. "I think I'm going to throw up..."

Paul tried to push the button as the car did its hydraulics. It took him some effort, but he deactivated it.

Erk raised his eyebrow and said to Paul, "Uh, aren't YOU too young to drive?"

Paul laughed maniacally. "Silly Erk, that is where the power of forging is for!" Paul took out a stolen license and the picture transformed into a picture of Paul.

"Woah!" said Rebecca in amazement. "How'd you do that?"

Paul thought in the Joshua thinking pose once more. "Dunno. Plot hole." Paul shrugged.

"AGAIN with the plot holes," sighed Joshua.

Paul drove the van to Stratford Square Mall. They walked through the Marshall fields which lead to the Mall's fountain square.

Matthew looked around amazed. "Woah! Where are we!"

Lucius looked at some of the passing people. "And why do they have bags full of cool and totally useless stuff?"

Paul answered, "This my friends, is what we call a "Mall!"

"**The Maaaaall!" **said the random announcer.

Joshua ignored the announcer. "So what do people do here?" Joshua raised his eyebrow.

Paul thought of a reply for a moment. Then he said, "Well, you shop here for anything! House appliances, clothing, video games, and other cool and totally useless stuff! So where to first guys?…... guys?" Paul looked around to find out that the group had walked off.

"Oh MAN! I hate it when that happens!" snapped Paul.

Elsewhere in the mall…

Farina walked through the mall glancing off at the random stores. Joshua tagged along after her.

Farina turned around and started a conversation with Joshua. "Wow! This place is so huge! And it has so many cool places!"

"I know! And check it out!" Joshua showed her a piece of bread that was tied up in a weird form.

Farina raised her eyebrow. "What's that?"

Joshua, "I don't know… a "pretzel or something…" Joshua took a bite out of it. "And it tastes really salty!"

Farina looked at his pretzel. "What amazes me is how they get it into THAT shape."

The two pondered idiotically.

Two girls named Gianna and Rona passed by. They saw the two in their medeival cloths.

Gianna started whispering to Rona, "Oh my god, look at their CLOTHS. They look like some guys from one of those nerd conventions!"

"Yeah I KNOW!" commented Rona.

"Let's have some fun with this…" Gianna said evilly. The two girls walked up to Farina and Joshua.

Joshua looked at the two with the pretzel in his mouth. "Camph fi felp foo?" (Try translating that)

Gianna acted innocently, "No, nothing. Nothing at all."

Rona went right to the point and asked, "So where did you get those freaky cloths?"

"Yeah, did you raid some sort of nerd convention?" The two girls laughed.

Joshua thought for a moment and replied while finishing his pretzel, "Mo, fi fot fem from feh focal armphary fin Fagfil." (the translations are at the end of the story)

Farina elbowed Joshua. "They're making fun of us IDIOT!"

Joshua blinked. "Oh."

Gianna and Rona walked away laughing.

Farina's eye twitched. She said, "I want to kill those two SO badly…...… Well… what do we do?"

Joshua pointed at the Abercrombie store. "I know! Let's go buy some new cloths so people won't make fun of us anymore!"

Farina punched the air. "A plan is MADE!" The two ran into the store.

Elsewhere at Hot Topic.…

Natasha looked in the mirror at the clothes she was wearing. She was wearing a white sleeveless shirt and pair of tight blue jeans.

"I look VERY sexy." Thought Natasha.

Rebecca came out of her dressing room. She had a tight purple chemise on with a tight black short-sleeved shirt right under it. On each of her wrists she wore spiked bracelets. She had also gotten some ear piercings. She had three pierces on each ear and one on her left eyebrow. Rebecca was also wearing a spiked choker. Her green hair was tied into two pony-tails which went down her back. She wore a pair of black boots that almost reached her knees.

Natasha looked wide-eyed at Rebecca in her new outfit. "WOAH."

"Like my new look?" said Rebecca. "I'm punk now!" Rebecca made the rock and roll hand sign with her hand, her index finger, pinky, and thumb sticking up and her forefinger and middle finger curled into her hand.

Natasha stated in shock, "Where'd you get ALL of those PIERCINGS?"

Rebecca pointed at the front of the store. "I got em up front while you were changing! And check it out!" Rebecca opened her mouth revealing a tongue piercing.

The cleric stared at the girl. "You look like you just went through a sewing machine!"

"But, you gotta admit, I look SEXY don't I?" added Rebecca.

An awkward silence followed.

"Yeah you DO!" said Natasha enthusiastically.

"Onward! To the music store!" Rebecca pointed out of the entrance of the Hot Topic.

Meanwhile with the others…

Erk was sitting down in the Walden Book store reading a book he picked off the shelf. Lucius was wandering around the book store and Matthew was…… somewhere in the store...… yeah… somewhere….

A female store clerk walked up to Erk, who was sitting down reading.

"Uh sir? You've been here quite a while. This store is for BUYING books not reading them." Stated the clerk.

Erk ignored the clerk and kept reading.

"Sir? Can you hear me?" she asked.

Erk looked up. "Oh I heard you. I just didn't care." Erk looked back down at his book.

_**SLAP**_.

The clerk walked off fuming back to the desk.

Erk rubbed his cheek. "I guess I deserved that." Muttered Erk.

Lucius came up to Erk and looked at his cheek. "Looks like you've been having fun."

"Loads." Erk rolled his eyes.

Lucius looked around. "Hey where'd Matthew go?"

Erk pointed in one direction.

Lucius walked off in the direction Erk pointed to the "Graphic Novels" section. When he got there Matthew was sitting down cross legged with a stack of books next to him.

"Hey Matthew, whatcha doing?" asked Lucius.

"Just reading these books with pictures. These are SO much better then the books Erk read! It shows words but they also have PICTURES!"

The puzzled monk tilted his head to the side. "Then isn't it a picture book?"

"Sort of, except there are panels. And it shows the characters doing their actions with the words in a little cloud above them! Plus it's not a little kid's picture book!" Matthew looked up at Lucius. "So, did you find anything to read?"

Lucius sighed, "No…… I'm so bored….. doing...what was I doing again?" thought Lucius.

The thief pointed at the girly magazines section. "What about there? Those books seem PERFECT for you."

Lucius turned around and walked to the magazines across of Matthew. "Oh come on," said Lucius while he walked, "What can I possibly find in some magazines-" Lucius looked at one of the magazines. "-Ooooo." Lucius opens up a girly magazine and starts flipping through it.

"Told you they were perfect for you!" shouted Matthew from right across.

Somewhere else…

Paul looked around and ran into random stores.

"Damn it! Where are they!" Paul thought to himself. Paul started talking to himself. "You bring some video game characters in the real world and CHAOS ensues. Well, now I gotta find them or else something bad might happen- hey look! It's a GameStop!" Paul ran into the game store to ask if Kingdom Hearts 2 comes out tomorrow or the day after tomorrow. It comes out the day after tomorrow.

Ah, finally a long chapter. Made it long to make up for not updating in a while. Oh, and Kingdom Hearts 2 ships tomorrow and starts selling on Wednesday. I'm so excited! Oh, the translations. "Camph fi felp foo" meant "Can I help you" and "Mo, fi fot fem from feh focal armphary fin Fagfil" meant "No, I got them from the local amory in Magval. Well, remember to review!


	3. Chapter 3

Hey guys. I'm back from Wisconsin. Thanks for the reviews. Well, here's my new chapter! Oh, and I got one of the scenes from a show my little brother was watching.

Chapter 3: Oh Snap

Continuing from where we left off at the mall…

"So, where do we go now?" Joshua looked at Farina. The sword-master had traded in his medieval clothes for some present day attire. He had on some slightly baggy blue jeans and a black long sleeve button up shirt with the top button and the bottom two buttons unbuttoned. His favorite hat stayed with his new outfit.

Farina glanced around at the stores. She was wearing a tight, white, short-sleeved t-shirt with pink sleeves. Extending from under the pink sleeves, were black sleeves that went up to her wrists. She also had some slightly baggy jeans.

"Hm… I dunno… where do you wanna go?" asked Farina.

Joshua pouted back, "I asked you first!"

"Well…I asked didn't say the same question!" replied Farina.

"What do you mean?" Joshua had a confused look.

"You asked So where do we go now" and I asked "I dunno where do you wanna go." That's two completely different questions."

"Nevermind…" The two continued walking until Joshua suddenly started sniffing the air. "Hey… do you smell that?"

"Smell what?" Farina asked raising her eyebrow.

"That cinnamon-y smell…" Joshua looked around for a moment.

Farina blinked and then replied, "Cinnamon-y isn't even a word…"

"Well… it is now in my dictionary!" Joshua whipped out a notepad from his pocket and started scribbling down some stuff.

"Cinnamon-y: having do with cinnamon; similar to cinnamon…" Joshua finished with the period at the end and then put back the notepad and pen in his pocket.

"Lemme see that!" Farina swiped the notepad from him. "Blue-y: having to do with the color blue… poopy-y: having to do with the horrible smell of crap times two?… All of these are just words with a Y at the end!" Farina continued flipping through the book. "Some of these don't even make sense!"

"Well… I like turning words into adjectives!" cried Joshua.

"Anyways… back to the point… what smells like cinnamon?" questioned Farina.

"You mean what's that cinnamon-y smell," corrected Joshua.

"Yeah," Farina's eye twitched, "Whatever…"

"I think it's coming from there." Joshua pointed at the Cinnabon store.

Farina looked through the window as the man was making the cinnabon. "That looks tasty! Let's buy one!" Farina grabbed Joshua's hand and dragged him into the store.

"Hey- you're holding my hand so tight!" Joshua cried out struggling.

Farina let go of his hand. "Okay, quit acting like a baby."

"But… I like being a baby!" Joshua was hugging a bottle and dragging around a teddy bear.

"Where'd you get that bottle and bear? And so quickly?" Farina asked puzzled.

Joshua looked around squinting his eyes. "There are a lot of things you can't see me do…... like THIS!" Joshua stood still.

Farina just stared at him and then said, "You didn't do anything…"

"AHA! See? You didn't see me do anything!" Joshua went into a victory pose.

Farina slapped her forehead and said, "Forget it. Let's just buy a box of these and leave."

Elsewhere…

"So where should we go now?" Rebecca looked over at Natasha.

Natasha looked around and than pointed at a music store. "Let's go there!"

The two girls ran into the music store.

Rebecca put on some headphones she found and then blasted some punk and metal music enough for the people around her to hear. The people started to panic and scream.

"Oh NOOOOOOOESES! We're gonna diiiiiiie! It's the apocalyyyypse!" said one man running around in circles.

"It's just like the crazy lady said! When the clock strikes 6 hours 6 minutes and 6 seconds Satan is gonna send us all to DAVY JONE'S LOCKER! RUN FOR LIIIIIIVES!" said another man in a fetal position rolling on the ground.

"NOT AGAIN!" screamed a lady who was looking in all directions.

"What is it?" asked the random doctor.

"I see DEAD people AGAIN!" She said in horror.

"When do you see them?" he asked looking at her raising one eyebrow.

"All the TIME…….. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" She started screaming and pointing behind him. She was saw a pac-man ghost behind him.

The doctor slapped his forehead. "I don't know why I took this crazy job- AHHHH!" The doctor wasn't able to finish his sentence as the invisible pac-man ghost behind him devoured his flesh and soul. His soul then went to Davy Jone's locker in which there was a bottomless pit of agony and terror, which the doctor fell through, suffering blood curdling screams and sharing the pain of other poor souls who were unfortunate enough to get sent to Davy Jone's locker.

Soon the music store was empty and Rebecca was still there with her eyes closed listening to the blasted music.

Natasha walked out of the washroom and glanced around wide-eyed. "What happened here! Did Hell freeze over or something!"

"WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU!" Rebecca yelled over the music.

"I SAID DID HELL FREEZE OVER?" she shouted.

"WHAAAAT?" Rebecca replied even louder.

"I SAID DID HELL- oh FORGET it." Natasha slapped her forehead and went about the shop looking for music to listen to.

During all of this chaos…

Erk, Matthew, and Lucius were strolling through the mall in their new clothing. Lucius was wearing some baggy jeans (which the whole cast seems to favor) and a tight blue long-sleeved T-Shirt. Matthew was wearing some baggy jeans (what did I tell you) and a crimson-red hoody while Erk was wearing some (insert the words "baggy" and "jeans" here) and a slightly tight black short-sleeved T-shirt with white sleeves coming out from under the black sleeves extending to his wrists. Erk's shirt read, "THE FUNNIEST THING ABOUT THIS SHIRT IS THAT BY THE TIME YOU REALIZE IT DOESN'T SAY ANYTHING IT'S TOO LATE FOR YOU TO STOP READING YOU RETARD!"

"So… get anything at the bookstore?" asked Lucius.

"Just a couple of books." Erk said casually holding a bag with at least thirty-three books. "You?"

"Just some magazines." Said Lucius casually.

"Girly magazines!" added Matthew.

Lucius's eye twitched and he asked in an annoyed tone,"Well, Mr. Magazine-Critic what did YOU get?"

Matthew shrugged. "Nothin."

"Nothing?" Lucius raised his eyebrow.

"Nothin."

Erk gave Matthew a look and said, "Oh come on. You must have bought SOMETHING from all those crappy stores we browsed through."

"Well, I bought my hoody and pants."

"Whatever." Erk said rolling his eyes.

Suddenly there were police running all over the place.

Lucius and Erk both looked at each other and then at Matthew.

The two chorused in unison, "What did you steal!"

"Just a pencil or two…"

Over the intercom a female voice said, "Attention, all shoppers. We are on the look out for a man with a crimson-red hoody and blonde hair. He has stolen some couch cushions, some books, three pencils, and some music CDs with foul language. Please inform the nearest guard if you find this man. Have a nice day!"

Matthew looked at Erk then Lucius. Then Erk again. Then Lucius again.

"Okay, okay, okay. I might've stolen a bit more than a pencil…" Matthew took out couch cushions, some books, three pencils, and some music CDs with foul language out of his pocket and then stuffed them back in.

"Just a BIT more than a PENCIL!" Erk replied, after Matthew confessed.

"I wouldn't say a BIT…" Matthew remarked nonchalantly.

Lucius lifted his fingers counting to three. "One… two… three… Hey! You said you got TWO pencils! You got THREE!"

"Two… three…. What's the difference?"

Lucius took out a calculator. "Well the difference of three and two is one." Said Lucius ironically.

Matthew glared at Lucius. "What you talkin' bout Lucius!"

"It's basic math. Didn't you pay attention in your numbers class? Tsk tsk tsk." Lucius started waving his index finger while shaking his head.

"Hey, tweetle-dee and tweetle-dumber! Stop arguing! Once the guards catch Matthew, we're ALL going to be dead MEAT-"

Lucius intervened, "Will be we tasty meat?" Matthew tilted his head to the side at the question.

Matthew quickly added, "Will we served with steak sauce at a high-price?"

"Will you two stop being a bunch of retards and-" Unfortunately, Erk wasn't able to finish his sentence as two police guards came up to the three.

"Oh snap." The three said in unison looking at the guards.

"Hello," Said the first. He looked at Matthew and said, "Sir, you fit the description of the one who's been shoplifting stores and correcting people. You have blonde hair AND a crimson-red hoody. That fits it perfectly."

Matthew used his quick thinking. "No, no, no. I have a BLOOD-RED hoody," said Matthew using the lie as a correction.

"What?" The guard asked giving Matthew a puzzled look.

The second guard spoke up, "Oh wait, I see what he's saying. It's not CRIMSON-RED it's blood-red!"

"How do you know this?" the first asked.

"I went to art school before I became a police." The second said proudly.

The first thought for a moment and said, "You know, now that I think of it his hoody looks more to me like a scarlet red."

"No, no, but look at it! It's blood-red! His hoody SCREAMS blood-red!"

The first took out his walkie-talkie and said into it, "We need back-up on this one guys!"

Matthew, Erk, and Lucius just looked at the two police bewildered at their argument, which Matthew had started.

Back to our favorite tactician…

Paul walked out of the store with his copy of Kingdom Hearts and strategy guide. Along with some horror movies to watch. He wants to scare the crap out of the others later on.

"Hm…," Paul pondered, "I wonder where everyone else is… Might as well look for them!" Paul skipped across the mall as people stared at him like he was some sort of mentally retarded person. He finally stumbled upon Matthew, Lucius, and Erk, who were standing right in front of seven arguing guards.

"No, no, NO! The hoody is BRICK-RED! Just look at it!" exclaimed guard no.5.

"But LOOK! Can't you tell that it's like a red brown or something?" interrupted guard no.3

"Your BOTH wrong! It's plain red!" sighed guard no. 4

Paul approached Matthew, Lucius, and Erk while the guards argued.

"Finally! I found you guys!" exclaimed Paul, "I've been looking all over the place!"

"Maybe you couldn't find us cause your blind. Go see an eye doctor." Replied Erk sarcastically.

"So what'd you buy?" asked Paul looking at Lucius and Erk's bags.

"Books." Erk shook his bag.

"Just some magazines." Lucius said casually.

"GIRLY magazines!" Matthew added cheerfully.

"Will you SHUTUP about that!" whined Lucius.

Matthew pointed out, "But they ARE girly."

Erk sighed, "Are we going yet?"

"Fine," sighed Matthew. He looked at the arguing guards. "Listen guys, it's been fun, but I gotta go now, so we can ALL just agree that my hoody is crimson-red. Capiche?" Matthew looked at the seven guards. They all looked at each other wide-eyed realizing he just admitted his hoody color.

Guard no.7 pointed at Matthew. "GET HIM!"

"Oh snap." The four said in unison. Hoorah for cliffhangers!

Oh yeah, and thanks for the reviews from the last chapter! I enjoyed reading and replying them! All right, see later guys! Leave a review on the way out! Oh, and don't fall into the bottomless pit of agony and terror in Davy Jone's Locker!


	4. Chapter 4

Sorry for the long delay. Busy with schoolwork and finals and all. Or I'm just too lazy to update. One or the other.

Chapter 4: Run Away!

"What do we do? WHAT DO WE DO!" Paul said as he started to panic.

Lucius suggested, "I say we run away screaming like little babies!"

"I go with Lucius's plan!" said Erk agreeing with Lucius.

Guard no.1 spotted them and yelled, "THERE THEY ARE! GET THEM!"

"RUN AWAAAAY!" Matthew said running away like a little babt. The other three followed after screaming and running away like little babies. Shortly after, they ran into a music store. The instant they walked in they were pushed back by the blaring music Natasha and Rebecca were blasting. Profane music that needs censoring if I might add.

Matthew grabbed a nearby shelf so he wouldn't be pushed back. Lucius, Erk, and Paul did the same.

"There they are!" said the guard that spotted them. "Get them!" They pushed against the blasting music.

Erk stopped screaming like a little baby and said, "We gotta get Natasha and Rebecca and get outta here!"

Matthew stopped screaming like a little baby and said, "I go with Erk's plan!" Matthew looked at Lucius. "Lucius, your plan sucked."

"Hey! No it didn't!" cried Lucius.

"It didn't support us in anyway possible so it SUCKED! Now SHUTUP PEON!" Matthew took a whip out of nowhere and whipped Lucius.

Lucius recoiled. "OUCH! Why do you have a whip!"

Matthew whipped Lucius a second time. "For whipping you weak, feeble-minded, PEASANT!"

Erk, Paul, and Lucius pushed against the music to reach Rebecca and Natasha, oblivious to all the chaos. Matthew also tried, but the weight of all of his shoplifted stuff kept him from making any movement at all.

Paul screamed at Matthew, "You have to drop the load!"

"No way! I NEED all of this STUFF!" Matthew yelled back.

Erk looked at the approaching guards. "It's either being beaten to death OR living a life without totally cool but useless stuff! Come on already!"

Matthew took out the whip out of his shoplifted cache of totally cool, but useless stuff. "They wouldn't try to take on an ARMED person!" Matthew turned around to look at the guards and waved the whip threateningly. The guards responded by looking at each other and then taking out their beating sticks.

"What if they're better armed?" Lucius asked.

"Then we run away screaming!" Matthew looked at Lucius. "Lucius, we're going back to your sucky plan!"

"YAY!" yelled Lucius as he punched the air. "My plan is the best!"

The cops started getting closer. Erk faced the others. "LESS TALKING! MORE UNLOADING!"

Matthew started unloading all of his shoplifted stuff. The junk flew right back and hit the approaching cops.

"OW MY HEAD!" screeched guard no.1 in pain as his head was hit by a toaster.

"How could he fit all of this stuff in his pocket-ACK!" guard no.2 couldn't finish his sentence as he was hit in the shin by flying mugs. "OW MY SHIN!"

The remains of the mug started hitting guard no.3. "OUCHIES! SO SHARP!" Guard no.3 flew back and crashed into guard no.1, 2, 4, and 5, causing them to crash into a display case, which toppled right on them.

Guard no.6 walked triumphantly, ducking and stepping aside to avoid the objects. "Man! You guys are wimps! You can't even dodge simple objects like these- GAH!" The cop was silenced as a ceramic rabbit hit him in the weak spot of all men. He held his lower region as he fell and was blown into the display case, which toppled over him, next to guard no.1-5.

Guard no.7 shook his head. "Stupid new recruits…" He walked, letting the objects hit him and break against him as they hit his body. He reached for Matthew with his beating stick.

"I got you now! Time to face justice!" The guard raised his beating stick above his head.

Matthew covered his face in fear like a little baby. Suddenly, an idea popped in his head.

"True… You got me…" said the thief nonchalantly, "But you forgot one thing."

The impatient cop raised his eyebrow. "What would that be?"

Matthew pointed behind the guard. "LOOK! BEHIND YOU!"

The thief's attempt made the cop chuckle. "Oh come on. You think I would fall for something as simple as THAT? Puh-LEASE!"

"Darn… and I was so SURE that would work…" said Matthew in dismay.

Suddenly, a the flurry of broken mugs flew around the guard, giving him paper cuts everywhere.

Guard no.7 waved his hands, trying to swat the broken shards. "NOES! NOT THE PAPER CUTS!" The guard flew back into a bigger display case next to the other guards, which toppled over all the toppled display cases. Guard no.7 lay on the top of the cases, with many paper cuts on him.

"Woah! Didn't see that coming!" said the surprised Matthew.

Erk tore off Rebecca's headphones and threw them in a random direction.

An innocent bystander passed by and the headphones flew at him, poking his eyes out. "GAAK!"

Rebecca looked at Erk wondering why he just took away the headphones. "Hey! What was that for!"

"Less talking! More running!" Erk hoisted Rebecca over his shoulders and ran out of the store, stepping over guard no.7.

"ACK! MY ARM!" screamed the injured guard.

Lucius ripped off Natasha's headphones in the same matter and threw them in the same random direction as Erk did.

Another innocent bystander came out of nowhere and looked down at the first innocent bystander.

"Hey! You guys poked out this innocent bystander's eyes! You guys should stop throwing random objects- AIIEEE!" The second innocent bystander couldn't end his sentence as the headphones Lucius tossed poked his eyes out also.

Natasha blinked and looked at Lucius blankly. "Can I help you?"

"You can help us run away from the COPS THAT WANT TO BEAT US TO DEATH! Like screaming little babies if I might add," panicked the monk.

Natasha thought in the Joshua thinking pose. "Well… the "cops beating us to death" thing sounds really bad… I go with your plan!" Natasha and Lucius ran screaming like little babies.

Matthew and Paul looked around at the empty chaotic store.

Matthew looked at Paul and pouted, "Man! Why don't WE have anyone to rip headphones off of!"

"Yeah! This is SO unfair," agreed Paul, who nodded his head continuously, "Just one more thing."

"What would that be?" asked Matthew.

"You for got to throw away one more object…"

"What are you talking about…"

"Matthew, I know you have some rings and watches from the Jewelry store," stated Paul.

The thief pouted as he threw a hidden bag of jewelry in the random direction Lucius and Erk threw the headphones in. The two ran after the others.

An innocent bystander walked by and looked at the two other innocent bystanders lying on the ground.

"Hey, why are there two guys lying in the middle of the- ARGH!" the innocent bystander fell to the ground as the jewels flew out of the bag and poked the third innocent bystander's eyes out.

Meanwhile…

"Wait a second," paused Matthew, "Why are you saying "meanwhile" if we're only like 10 feet away to the scene that was currently happening a few seconds ago?"

"Never mind that," said Paul, "Just keep running!"

Rebecca pounded Erk's back with her fists. "Hey! Put me down!"

"So that you can fall behind as we run away from the angry guards? No way!" replied Erk.

Matthew pointed at Farina and Joshua walking out of the Cinnabon store. "There they are!"

The group ran up to Farina and Joshua, who were eating tasty cinnabons.

Joshua waved at them. "Hey guys! Lookie what we got!"

Paul looked wide-eyed at Joshua. "CINNABONS!"

"YEAH!"

"OH HELL YES!" said the excited Paul.

"Ahem!" interrupted Lucius, "We're trying to run away from the cops remember!"

"Cops?" exclaimed Farina, "What'd you guys do!"

"More like what HE did," said Erk, pointing at Matthew.

Matthew gave a surprised look and said, "Hey! I'm just an innocent bystander!" Suddenly a random object flew at Matthew and almost poked his eyes out. "I take that back! I hate being an innocent bystander!"

"Hello! I'm still here being manipulated against my own will!" stated Rebecca, still hoisted over Erk's shoulder.

Farina thought for a moment. "Wait a second, so when all of this happened, me and Joshua were in the Cinnabon store debating about words that exist and that don't?"

"I suppose so," answered Paul.

Farina slapped her forehead. "God, just a few seconds. Just a FEW seconds and you get in THAT much trouble."

Paul slapped his forehead. "Let's just get out of here." The gang ran off towards the exit as quickly as possible.

Back at the music store…

The guards had managed to move the display cases off of themselves and mend their wounds. They walked over to Guard no.7, who was still in pain.

"Ow…my body has cuts all over it…… I'm in eternal AGONY……………. And I think they stole my spleen!" cried out no.7.

Guard no.2 laughed and said, "HA! Sucks to be you!"

Guard no.3 sighed, "Man, this sucks. I don't want to drag his bloody body all the way back to the station. What if he gets blood all over me?"

"Suck it up. That excuse is as stupid as no.5," said guard no.4.

"Your stupider," said no.5.

"Well, your stupider," said no.4.

"Your stupider!"

"No, your stupider!"

"YOUR STUPIDER!"

"No, YOUR STUPIDER!"

Guard no.4 and 5 engaged in a slap fight as the other guards just couldn't believe how dumb they are. And guard no.7 is pissed that his spleen has been stolen.

Back at the van…

Paul drove the car steadily back home. "Well, guys we managed to live another day!"

"And I managed to take one of the guard's spleen!" yelled out Matthew.

Joshua looked at the bottled spleen Matthew held. "Really? What are you gonna do with it?"

"I dunno… sell it on the internet or something…"

"Ebay?"

"Ebay."

"COOL!" cried out Joshua.

Erk's eye twitched. "You guys are morons…"

"Says the guy who carried me over his shoulder to the car," Grumbled Rebecca.

"What?"

"I said the rye on boulders goes roar," lied Rebecca.

Okay, sorry it took me so long to update. I've been really busy. Or lazy. One or the other. Well, I'll try and update soon!


	5. Chapter 5

This chapter is based on a movie on youtube that I watched. Sorry it took so long for me to update. I.E. I edited a mistake a reviewer pointed out. Thanks for the notification!

Chapter 5: **Hawt** Girls and Predators

The sun rose over the green hills, marking the start of a new day for everyone in the real world. Paul, the new graduate was on his computer on a certain website, one that's for all ages, seeing how his friends were doing.

"Whatcha doin?"

"KIYAA!" Paul nearly jumped out of his seat and looked over his shoulder at the questioning thief.

"Jesus, Matthew! You scared the nuts out of me!" sighed Paul.

"Yeah! Literally! Peacock, Pea-wee, and Peanuts are hiding under the table!" Matthew pointed at three growling peanuts under the computer table and started taunting them.

"Damnit Matthew! I demand you stop taunting my nuts!"

"Ew, that came out wrongly…… hehehe…"

"DAMN IT MATTHEW!" Paul said as his eyes turned into an X.

"Anyways, whatcha doin?"

"I'm just seeing how my friends are doing on myspace. Well, I'm not actually into this thing, I just made an empty account so I can spy on my friends and see how they're doing," Paul looked at the readers and pointed up, "As said in the first paragraph."

Matthew looked up, "Oh, DUH!" Matthew smacked his forehead, "Why didn't I look up there!"

"Because I'm the author and I control what you do and think!" Paul said with putting his hands on his hips. "NOW PLAY THE PART OF THE PERSONALITY I GIVE YOU!"

"Anyways…," interrupted the questionable thief, "What is this site?" Matthew asked pointing at the computer screen.

"It's called Myspace. You make an account and you have a profile. Then you put in stuff about yourself, and decorate the background, and lot's of other stuff to make your profile look cool. You can also leave comments on other people's myspaces."

"Cooooooooooooool. I betcha you can meet a LOT of **HAWT** women on this!"

"Suuuuuuuuure… You can also meet kidnappers, predators, pedophiles, transsexuals, people who pretend to be the opposite sex…" answered Paul sarcastically.

"Can I make one?" Matthew interrupted jumping up and down frantically.

"What for?" asked Paul.

"For meeting **HAWT** WOMEN!" Matthew said with glee.

"Didn't you listen to me a few paragraphs ago?" Paul paused briefly and pointed at a sentence a while back, "I said some people on myspace are pedophiles and kidnappers and a lot of other gross-"

"Aw, skip the weird stuff. I don't care! Just lemme make one of these myspace thingies!"

"Fine…" Paul started typing on the computer and soon, Matthew was on the computer typing stuff about himself. Soon, the whole house had a myspace, due to Matthew telling everyone about the website. ALMOST everyone (almost meaning Erk) in the house was having fun with the site. One day, Matthew…

"HEY ERK!" yelled Matthew.

"…Why are you yelling when I'm only _five feet_ away from you watching TV…"

"Just come over here!" Matthew pleaded.

Erk sighed and took a seat next to Matthew.

"Check out this really, really, really, really **HAWT** girl on myspace!" Matthew clicked on a profile and another window opened up.

"Okay." Erk replied.

"Her name is Moo-mee."

"Okay."

"She's a European chick."

"Okay."

"I've been talking to her online AND on the phone. And dude, she is SO BEAUTIFUL!"

"Okay."

"Are you going to say more words then "Okay?"

"No."

"Are you going to say more than one word?"

"_No_."

"Good thing you're not getting paid by the word. Anyways, check out these pictures of her!"

"Wow, this lady is trying really hard to look like a slut." Erk said raising his eyebrows.

"But you gotta admit, they're really **HAWT**!" said Matthew cheerfully.

Erk's eyebrows furrowed and then he went into the "Joshua thinking pose." He looked at Matthew with something to say.

"Hey….. Moo-mee's got "the angles..."

"The wha?" Matthew asked squinting his eyes to see what Erk was talking about in the pictures.

"The angles," Erk said, making quotes with his hands as the words "the angles" showed up in front of your screen, "The "myspace angles." All of the REALLY, REALLY ugly girls on myspace have them, Matthew."

"Dude, Erk, what the _eff_ are you talking about! Moo-mee is THE **HAWT**TEST GIRL and YOU know it!" Matthew said with a frustrated tone.

"……That doesn't say Moo-mee, that says **_MUMMY_**."

"WHA! MUMMY!" Matthew looked closely at the letters on the computer screen, reading "MUMMY IS **HAWT**!"

"YES! And she's GOT "THE _angles_! Look! It's only pictures of her separate body parts! NO FULL PICTURES!" Erk said pointing at pictures only of her arm, half of her face, and her thigh.

"NO!" Matthew screamed and started pulling his hair, "MOO-MEE IS **HAWT**!"

"Moo-mee--- MUMMY is _not_ **HAWT**!" yelled back Erk.

Matthew glared at Erk and yelled, "YOUR JUST JEALOUS OF THE BEAUTIFUL, **HAWT** WOMAN I FOUND!"

"Jealous of what? The mummy? Yeah, RIGHT. I don't think so!" scoffed Erk.

Suddenly, the house phone started ringing.

Matthew pointed at the phone and said, "I betcha that's her right now!"

"Then pick it up and see what she has to say-"

Erk was interrupted as Matthew answered the phone.

Matthew cleared his voice and paused for a moment. Then he said, "Hello-"

"Raaaaaaaaaagh gaaaaaaaaaaaah," interrupted a deep voice.

Matthew and Erk jumped out of their seats and looked at each other wide-eyed.

"Uhhh, hey Moo-mee! What's up? Uh, what happened to your voice? You sound a tad different…"

"A _tad_?" Erk raised his eyebrow at Matthew.

"Ragaah daaae," replied the deep voice.

"A date?" Matthew said smiling and looking at Erk, who was mouthing the word no and shaking his head.

"Reegageeaaaah reeeeeeeh."

"At 7:30 tonight? Okay! I'll see you there!" Matthew hung up the phone wrongly, so the deep voice continued speaking into the phone saying strange strange "un-**hawt**" sounds. They both looked at the phone like it was a live monster that was going to kill them. Matthew panicked and quickly silenced the phone by ripping it from it's cord and out the window."

Outside where the innocent bystanders roam…

"La, la, la, la, la, dum-de-dum-de-dum, doo-dee-doo-dee-doo- OUCH! OH MY **GOD**! I HAVE A PHONE EMBEDDED IN MY **NERVOUS SYSTEM**! I HAVE A FREAKING PHONE EMBEDDED IN MY FREAKING **NERVOUS SYSTEM**! Now I'm going to have to spend my life as the guy with the **FREAKING PHONE EMBEDDED IN MY NEVEROUS SYSTEM**! Oh, **GOD**! It's like having screwdrivers JAMMED INTO THE SIDE OF MY **_HEAD_**! My head feels like it's going to explode into a _MAELSTROM_ of **BLOOD** AND **BRAIN GUTS**! _Uuugh_! I'm in _**ETERNAL AGONY**_!"

Back inside…

Matthew looked triumphantly at Erk and said, "Well, Erk, It looks like I have a DATE with Moo-mee….. At 7:30!"

"And I'm going to come with you and PROTECT you from MUMMY….. _At 7:30_!"

"Fine then. Come with me. I'll prove to you how BEAUTIFUL and **HAWT** Moo-mee is." The two got up and went to their rooms to freshen up and change into bar clothing.

Later that night…

Matthew and Erk came through the doors of a local bar, Matthew wearing an Aeropostle shirt and blue baggy jeans and Erk wearing an American Eagle shirt with fitting jeans.

Matthew looked around excitedly. "So, Erk! Are YOU ready to find Moo-mee!"

"Yeah, if we're in an underground **_Egyption tomb_**..." Erk said sarcastically.

"DUDE! I've already told you **THOUSANDS OF TIMES**! She's NOT a MUMMY man! Her name is _**MOO-MEE**_! Her name is _EUROPEAN_!"

"Yeah, European for **MUMMY**."

"Hi guys!" Said a familiar voice from behind.

The two turned around to see Rebecca in a silver dress with a hand on her hip. She also had her hair down. And she didn't have her eyebrow, ear, or tongue piercings on.

Erk raised his eyebrows, "Rebecca? What are you doing here?"

"Uh… I work here!" said Rebecca cheerfully.

"Riiight... isn't it illegal or something for someone younger than twenty to work at a bar," Matthew said nodding his head.

Rebecca was about to open her mouth to answer but Erk intervened and stated, "You know what, I _really_ don't want to know how you got this job..."

Matthew remembered his date and asked, "Hey, uh, Rebecca… do you by any chance know a girl named Moo-mee?"

"Oh yeah. She's over there at the bar!" Rebecca said pointing in the bar's direction.

The two whipped around and saw a horrible monstrosity at the bar. At the bar was a hideous, skin decayed mummy with long brown hair. The mummy had a tank top and a mini skirt on and was very skinny. Even though the mummy was a female, she had the appearance AND voice of a male. She was even a little taller then Erk and Matthew!

The mummy spotted Matthew and pointed at him and started shaking violently.

"_**RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH**_!" screamed the mummy as if she/it was running into a battle.

Matthew and Erk looked at the mummy wide eyed and put their hands over their mouths as if they were about to throw up.

"Oh my **GOD**!" Matthew managed to say.

The mummy started limping over to Matthew.

"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEAAAAAH!" screamed the mummy.

"What IS IT! What is this... this... _horrible_... monstrous... abomination! Has it come from the bowels of a _graveyard_! No, from the deeper bowels of _HELL_! ERK! _**WHAT IS IT**_!" Matthew asked Erk with his eyes still on the mummy in pure fear.

"……...It's a _**MUMMY**_!" exclaimed Erk after a short pause, just as frightened and sickened as Matthew.

"**AAAAAH**!" screamed Matthew and Erk, still standing in place.

The mummy continued limping over towards the two, and even pushed a few innocent bystanders along the way.

"_AAAAEEEH_!" screamed the first bystander from the mall as he was pushed into broken glass shards on the floor that a barmaid was cleaning up, impaling his flesh.

"**RUN FOR YOUR LIIIIIIVES**!" yelled the second bystander as he was trampled over by the mummy after being pushed down by she/it.

"NOT THIS AGAIN!" exclaimed the horrified third bystander as the mummy slammed him into a wall, crushing his spine. Then, a circular tray was thrown out of nowhere very fast at the bystander, hitting him square in the neck and decapitating him, causing blood to spray out and cover other innocent bystanders, scaring them so much because of their fear of blood and horrible sites, that they suffered a long agonizing nightmare-ish death. Other than that, the mojitos were quite tasty. Even though it is a gay drink.

Matthew and Erk, like little babies watching a scary movie, clung tightly to each other.

The mummy approached Matthew and started making circles with her finger on his shoulder. She started speaking in a male voice and said, "You must be MATTHEW. I recognize you from the PICTUUREZ," The mummy looked at Erk and gave him a sexy look, "Is this your FRIEND? Oh GAWD you guyz are so **HAWT**."

Erk threw up behind Matthew while the mummy continued it's sickening torture.

"Do you want to see my beaVERS?" the mummy said in an attempted sexy voice, "Do you wanna SEE?" The mummy started whipping her hair around, going everywhere and hitting Matthew in the face, who was whimpering and crying like a little baby.

"Do you like the way I DANCE? Do you like IT?" the mummy continued whipping her hair around and dancing closer to Matthew, who tried looking away with his eyes closed.

"Gah! Heeelp!" Matthew managed to say.

"DO you WANT to SEE something I've NEVER showed anyone BEFORE!" The mummy pulled the two towards the bar.

Rebecca blinked and then stared after the three. "Was it me, or did a mummy just dance with Matthew?… I gotta lay off those talking peanuts of Paul's…" She said before following them.

A few minutes later…

"So… How's Matthew's "date" going?" Rebecca asked giving Erk a mooojitooooo.

Erk looked over at the two a few seats next to him and said, "If you call Matthew crying like a little baby while a mummy tries hooking up with Matthew a good time, then yeah."

Matthew took a long swig from his drink while the mummy watched him.

"You shouldz SLOWZ down MattheEEW," said the mummy in her weird voice. "You might end up with TEEErrible pains in THE moorniiiing."

"Ugh……" Matthew glanced over at Erk. "What are ya doing Erk?"

"Moo-mee" looked over at Erk and then back at Matthew and said, "Who carez what he'z doing. Just keep drinkinGZ."

"Oh my GOD HEeeELP ME!" Matthew cried.

Erk got up from his seat and intervened saying, "OKAY! I think it's about time Matthew and I leave…"

Matthew quickly stood up, "Yeah, we have a… a... a... CURFEW…... THING….. yeah…"

"Oh CURFEW SHMURFEW! I know MatthEW would RATHer stay here with ME," replied the mummy.

Erk pointed in a random direction. "LOOK! AN OBVIOUS DISTRACTION!"

The mummy whipped around. "WHEREZ?"

"CHEESE IT!" yelled Matthew as he, Erk, and Rebecca ran away.

"I didn'tz see ANYthing…….huh?" The mummy looked around and screeched like the Ringwraiths in Lord of the Rings. "GATHER MY BREATHEREAN! WE HAVE A **HAWT** BOY TO HUNTZ!" The mummy donned a black cloak and 8 other mummies in black cloaks arrived. They got on their evil black horses and chased after the three.

It was nighttime now and the three were running away. They soon arrived at a forest. They looked around and took a breather.

"Okay," Rebecca panted, "I'll split up with you guys and meet you at Paul's."

"Wait… Why are you splitting up with us?" questioned Erk.

"Well, the mummy is OBVIOUSLY after you guys, so they won't come after me! Just stay off the road!"

Matthew paused for a moment then said, "Hey wait we don't even know where Paul's house is-"

Rebecca was already running away though by the time Matthew was finished with his question.

"Damnit!" cursed Matthew, "She runs fast! And so quietly!"

CLIFFHANGER! Sorry it took so long for me to update. I'm addicted to Gunz Online. I just fixed the blank server list problem on it. Well, leave a review on you way out!


	6. Chapter 6

Hi guys! It didn't take long for me to update this time! This chapter is a follow up of the last chapter where we left Matthew and Erk running away from the "Ringwraith mummies." This chapter is based on Lord of the Rings when Frodo, Sam, Pippin, and Merry were running away from the Ringwraiths in the first movie.

Chapter 6: Run, Matthew! Run!

Erk sighed. "Come on Matthew, let's go."

"But we don't even know where Paul's house is!" replied Matthew.

"Then we'll ask someone directions…"

Rustle Rustle Rustle.

Erk looked around. "What was that?"

"I dunno," Matthew pointed at a bush, "I just heard a "Rustle Rustle Rustle" in those bushes…"

Joshua and Lucius run out of the bushes with bags.

"AAAAAH!" yelled Erk and Matthew.

"Whoa, sorry there guys," Joshua said as he scratched his head.

"Yeah," said Lucius, "We were just at the casino nearby."

Joshua hit Lucius in the back of the head, "Shh! Don't tell them!"

Erk raised his eyebrow. "What did you guys do?"

"Well," said Joshua, "We were at a casino, losing our money…"

Flashback.

"DAMNIT!" Joshua slammed his fist on the slot machine. "You ate my money! You're supposed to gimme more!" Joshua looked over at Lucius and asked, "Hey Lucius, how are you holding out?"

"I'm not! I just lost the last of my money now!" said Lucius in dismay, "Why must I suffer _so_?" Lucius started sobbing.

Joshua looked at all the other people in the casino.

"Hey… Lucius…"

"Yeah?.." said Lucius crying over the machine.

"Have you noticed that no one is actually… _winning_?"

Lucius looked around at all the innocent bystanders crying over their machines. "Hey yeah… What's up with_ that_?"

Joshua went behind the slot machine and opened the back, and looked at the slots. He realized that the game was rigged because each slot didn't even have matching fruits/symbols.

"It's fixed! Those cheap **bastards**!" Joshua looked around to see if the guards were looking. "Hehehe… I'll show those bastards to take my money…" Joshua pulled a burlap sack out of nowhere and looked over at Lucius.

"**_Lucius_**! We're taking the money from the slot machines!"

"You want to _ROB_ the casino?" Lucius tilted his head to the side, "How's taking the casino's money that they took from us going to make us feel better?"

Joshua held out his hand and started lifting his fingers as he said, "Because one, it's active. Two, it's aggressive. And three, it's destructive, but not too destructive."

A grin formed on Lucius's face as he pulled a burlap sack out of nowhere. "Let's do it!"

The two began cranking open the slot machines, Lucius having some difficulty due to his weakness, and taking coins from them. The sacks soon filled to the top as a guard spotted them. "Hey! What are you two doing! Put those down!"

"Uh oh! RUN LIKE A LITTLE **_SCREAMING BABY_**!" yelled Lucius.

"EEEEEEEE_EEEAAAH_!" yelled Joshua like a little screaming baby as they ran out of the casino with the burlap sacks of money.

Back to where we were…

"And that's how we ended up here!" said Joshua, ending the flashback.

"So you _STOLE_ the money?" Erk asked.

"I wouldn't call it _that_…" Lucius said quietly.

A guard was heard yelling from a distance saying, "Get back here you crazy kids! I'm gonna give you an ass **whuppin**!"

"Running like a screaming little baby time," Lucius stated.

Lucius, Matthew, and Joshua faced a direction.

"Wait," said Erk, "Not that way! That's a-"

The four start rolling down a large cliff.

"**_AAAAAAAAH_**!" They all screamed.

**THUD**!

"Ouch…" said Matthew, rubbing his back as he got up, and surveyed the area. They had ended up on a road. "Hey! A road! We can follow it to Paul's house!" stated Matthew.

"Uh," interrupted Erk, "Didn't Rebecca suggest to stay OFF the road?"

Matthew sighed and said, "Jeez, it's always "Rebecca this" and "Rebecca that." When will you shut up and start being serious?" Erk replied by sighing and shaking his head

"Come on! Let's follow the "yellow brick road!" said Matthew as he began skipping down the road that was actually black.

Lucius looked around at the other three and himself who had shrunken to three feet tall for the purpose of this chapter and said, "Why are we suddenly only three feet tall…"

Joshua looked down at himself, "Hey! We're midgets! What gives?"

Erk looked down and also realized his shortness, "It's like being half a person."

Matthew tried reaching for an apple that was hanging in a tree. "I can't reach it!… Wait… If I do this… You're a GENIUS Matthew!" Matthew started whipping rocks at the apples, causing the apple to drop. Suddenly, out of nowhere a beehive dropped after being hit by a rock and bees started swarming out of nowhere from the hive and started stinging Matthew.

"AAAAH! **BEEEES**!" Matthew screamed as he tried swatting them.

Then after bumping into that same apple tree, came a horde of chipmunks, pissed off at whoever awakened them from their nap. Deadly venomous chipmunks to be exact. They started jumping onto Matthew and started to scratch and bite him violently.

"AAAAAH! **DEADLY VENOMOUS _CHIPMUNKS_**!" Matthew started running in circles.

Lucius started to imitate Matthew and said in an imitated voice, "Look at ME! I'm Matthew and I don't like being _poisoned_!"

Two hours later during the night…

"Oh my **god**," exasperated the exausted Joshua, "We've been following this road for hours-"

"Two hours to be exact," Lucius stated as he lifted two fingers. The monk was so tired, that he looked like he was bowing.

"…Are you _sure_ this is the way to Paul's house?" finished Joshua.

"Uhhh…" answered Matthew dumbly.

"Oh my **god**," Erk said slapping his forehead.

Lucius squinted his eyes and spotted someone. "Hey look! A scary mummy in a black cloak is on the road!"

Down the road Moo-mee was on a black horse wearing a black cloak she was riding down the road towards the four.

"We should ask her for directions!" Lucius said excitedly.

"I think we should get _off _the road and hide…" Matthew suggested quivering in fear.

"I agree…" Erk agreed with the same chill in his spine.

"What's _your_ problem with asking directions?" Joshua asked.

Matthew and Erk yanked Joshua and Lucius out of the road into the bushes.

Moo-mee road in on her horse to the spot they were just at and glanced around. "Hmmz… I could've swornedz I saw MattHEW… Oh wellz…" The horrifying mummy started riding away.

The four got out onto the road when she was at a distance away.

"_WOO_!" Lucius started waving in front of his nose, "Whoever that was, she _seriously_ needs to take a bath…"

"Anyways that was close…" sighed Erk.

"**HEY! BLACK CLOAKED LADY**!" Joshua yelled while waving frantically, "**DO YA KNOW THE WAY TO PAUL'S HOUSE**!"

"YOU **IDIOT**!" Matthew said bonking Joshua on the head.

Moo-mee turned around, rode back, and started closing in on her evil black horse.

"…Any ideas?" Joshua questioned.

"How about we run away like little screaming babies?" suggested Lucius.

"Yeah, good idea." Nodded Matthew.

"**AAAAAAAAAAH**!" The four yelled as they ran away.

Joshua looked over at the other three and suggested, "We can lose em' at the river! I made a raft there in case of a getaway!"

Lucius looked over at his shoulder and saw 8 other black-cloaked mummies join up with Moo-mee. "Look! There's MORE OF THEM!"

"**RUN**!" yelled Erk.

Erk, Lucius, and Joshua started out running Matthew as they approached the river, where a raft was tied with a rope to a post.

"Huff…huff…" panted Matthew. The poor thief then tripped over a rock, "AAAH!"

"Damnit! Hurry up Matthew!" Erk said yelling over his shoulder.

Matthew got up, "I'm coming guys!" Matthew started running again, but ran into a branch overhead. "Ow! MY _HEAD_!"

Erk, Joshua, and Lucius jumped onto the wooden raft and started untying the rope tied to the post.

"Come on Matthew!" Joshua yelled.

Matthew got up again and continued running. "Hang on guys! I'm coming!" Matthew then tripped over a log and started rolling down a hill. "Ow!"

Erk pointed at Matthew. "Oh my **GOD**! Matthew is rolling down a _hill_!"

Lucius pointed and said cheerfully, "Don't worry guys! Those sharp, jagged rocks should slow his fall!"

**SNAP! CRACK! POW! **(And any other generic bone breaking noises)

"Oh man…," Joshua said, "He's not moving…"

"Get up Matthew!" Erk yelled loudly.

Lucius pointed at the black cloaked Moo-mee on her horse and her other black cloaked, horse riding companions. "Don't worry! Those black cloaked mummies are going to help him up!"

Joshua whacked Lucius in the back of his head. "Those are the** bad guys**, idiot!"

"Oh yeah…" Lucius said rubbing his head.

Matthew slowly got up. "Owww… bones… **breaking**… organs… **exploding**… brain……… unaccounted for…"

"Matthew!" yelled Erk, "**RUN**!"

Joshua started rowing the raft, "Jump Matthew!"

"Oh… right…" remembered Matthew. Matthew ran towards the dock and jumped towards the raft.

_SPLASH_!

Sadly, Matthew missed and fell into the water.

"HELP!" Matthew started splashing in the water, "I'm _DROWNING_!"

"But the river is only _four feet deep_!" exasperated Lucius.

Joshua whacked Lucius in the back of the head again. "WE'RE ONLY **THREE FEET TALL IDIOT**!"

"Oh right…" Lucius said rubbing his head.

The three pulled Matthew out of the water and into the raft.

The mummies stopped before hitting the river.

"**WHOA**!" scramed Moo-mee

"Whatz WRONG?" asked one of the other black-cloaked mummies.

"I'm not goingz in THERE. Who KNOWZ how deep that river iz…"

The mummy looked at the river. "I dunnoz… maybe four feetz deep or somethingz…"

"Or four-HUNDRED! I don't wannaz get these new BOOTZ wet! Let's go find a bridge or somethingz…"

The black cloaked mummies road away screeching.

"That was close…" Erk said wiping his forehead.

"_Damnit_!" cursed Joshua, "I forgot to ask her for directions!"

Well, I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter! Please review!


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